Tuition Fees

Peedeel is pissed off  confused by whining students and news reports.

What is all the fuss about? Nu-Labour had a problem financing the universities following on from Tony’s “Education, education, education” promises, so they introduced Tuition Fees for students.

Basically they said ‘You want a degree, you pay for it’ (at least in part).

Okay so far?

Now we have the Coagulation removing the “cap” from what may be charged for said fees.

To be honest, the debt a student takes on in the form of a student loan isn’t like a mortgage or normal bank loan (or paying you bar bill by credit card). No. It’s a debt that you will only ever have to pay back if and when you’re in work and earning £21,000 pa. You’ll never see a final demand for it. Never be threatened with court action over its repayment. The money is subtracted from your pay when you earn the requisite amount…not only that, but thirty years following graduation, the debt is cancelled even if unpaid or only part paid.

Even at the new levels of fees it’s the cheapest loan I know of – and it’s to pay for an education. An improved education. Hopefully for improved employment prospects also.

You don’t have to pay up front. So your parents may have been unemployed all their lives, big deal, provided you meet the entry requirements you can go to university…sure you’ll leave with a debt (the same as everyone else) but repayment will depend on your earning £21K, and if you don’t earn that, you don’t pay.

So my friend’s son has a student debt of £15K and he doesn’t give a flying fuck  let it worry him. It’ll either get paid or it won’t. He won’t have to pay a percentage of his earning over £15K anymore. And he thinks that’s great. He’s quids in. And what’s he doing with his new degree? He’s working in a well known fast food establishment as a waiter…

Now while I sympathise with kids having to pay for something as important as a university degree – after all who wants to pay for anything if you can get it for free. Why should I have to pay for it? I mean if said student leaves university and needs a car to get work, should I pay for that too?

No, I shouldn’t have to pay. If you want the education, YOU PAY.

That’s fair.

So what’s the alternative to this upping the fees and granting student loans with top-end repayment limits? Well, greatly restrict available university places (perhaps by as much as two thirds)…which will mean most kids WON’T get a chance to go to university at all, EVER.

And if you don’t restrict university places? Well, cut the NHS budget. Reduce cancer care or Geriatric care. Or cut pensions…drop all foreign aid programmes. Increase income tax by five percent for everyone…all of which, logically, are unacceptable.

So kids if you don’t want the debt, don’t go to university. If you think a degree’s a good idea, then PAY for it. After all it’s YOUR degree, isn’t it? You wouldn’t expect me to pay for YOUR house, would you?

Ummm. Perhaps you would you selfish fucker  devil.

Advertising by WIZARDS andWITCHES to be banned…

You’ll all be reassured by the news that Russia has finally introduced legislation to BAN the advertising of WIZARDS, WITCHES and FAITH HEALERS!

‘Bout bloody time, too!

“Only last year in Moscow 300,000 people turned to the services of wizards and healers according to the Interior Ministry.”

See more HERE!

And HERE.

War and the Food Shortage

“Did you know that the worldwide food shortage that threatens up to five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of only one day, only ONE day, of modern warfare.”

Peter Ustinov
Actor, writer and director (1921-2004)

Climate Change….

Posters to prevent STDs…

A British Poster from the 1950s from the National Health Service.

 

And another from the 1980s from the Terrence Higgins Trust.

A Little Light Relief…

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can’t even begin to imagine how their mind is working….

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything…tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an ‘A’ in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, ‘Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?’ Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. ‘Well, then,’ she replied, was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?’

Little Zachary looked at her and said, ‘Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.’

Things I love about the Internet.

Things I love about the Internet.

Firstly, you can access really interesting bits of information like THIS, an article that appears well informed, written by someone who knows their subject. Now, I appreciate, the piece in question is not without bias, but that’s life, isn’t it? The Internet is full of biased advice and opinion – just like real life!

Secondly, if I enter “locomotor ataxy” into my search engine, I learn that it’s an illness, frequently a symptom of advanced syphilis – did you know, the term syphilis was first used to denote the disease in 1530, by the Italian poet and physician, Girolamo Fracastoro? He used it in his epic Latin poem Syphilis sive morbus gallicus. Look it up for yourself, if you don’t believe me.

Interestingly, syphilis was called the French Disease in Italy (and in Germany apparently), while the French called it the Italian Disease. To the Dutch it was the Spanish Disease, while in Russia they referred to it as the Polish Disease; the Turks, as you can imagine, named it the Christian Disease. No nation seems to have wanted to “own” the problem. In Britain we called it simply the Great Pox – proving , once again, that everything about Britain was Great!

Anyhow, to return to my search for “locomotor ataxy”, I learn that: “ a patient suffering this condition, can’t tell where their arms and legs are unless they look, but they are able to feel and locate a hot object placed on their foot.”

Where else but via the Internet would you learn that someone unable to control their arms and legs WOULD feel it if you poured a boiling kettle on their foot?

I just think that’s soooo wonderful!

Being British, the downside of the Internet is probably the USA – there are so, so many American sites, most of them in need of a proof reader or two! Still, you can’t have everything. And they do have one or two good sites, it’s just a shame when you read blog headlines like: “Do you take a shit every morning” or “Igor’s a f**king pedifile.”

Then again, try typing Chekov into your search engine – you might think you’re going to get Anton, playwright and writer, and who could blame you? But more likely you’ll end up with myriad sites on “Pavel Andreievich Chekov” from Star Trek.

Such is life. But the good sites abound.

There’s a good Aussie site HERE.

And if you’re into Tolkien, there’s a good Spanish site on the Hobbit HERE.

What about Crypto-zoology? See HERE.

Metamorphosis

So you wake up one morning as a Chav – in fact you could be king of the Chavs, for all I know!

No, scrap that, EMPEROR of the flaming Chavs! In fact, you’re behaviour could make Ming the Merciless look like Mother Teresa of Calcutta (Agnesë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu – now, of course, Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, since her beatification by Pope John Paul)!

Anyway, you wake as a Chav (like Gregor Samsa in Kafka’s ‘‘Die Verwandlung’’ – “The Metamorphosis” – who woke terribly transformed), so what are you going to do about it?

Let’s give this a little thought: Samsa in Kafka’s novel found himself transformed into a giant earwig-like or cockroach-like insect; subsequently he became a burden to his family who kept him locked up and isolated in his room. Obviously Kafka used Samsa and his fate as a metaphor for oppression (in this instance the oppression of Capitalism and duty) and alienation (from society).

Now, as a Chav, duty won’t be much of a problem for you – other than excise duty, that is. And likely the only oppression you experience is the cost of Stella, aka “wife beater”, and the whiney neighbours who secretly (illegally?)film you taking a dump on their front lawn after a night down the pub with mates. Naughty, naughty, neighbours.

In fact, chances are after your metamorphosis, you could become an oppressor yourself – to neighbours, local authority officials, police, you name it. So you’ll soon come to realise being a Chav does have advantages. You, most likely, will alienate society! You’ll certainly piss off your neighbours at the very least (but not the really hard cases, eh?).

So, as a brand new Chav, what should you do to begin?

Make a “to do” list, prioritise your objectives: a five point list is good; ten points is better. But remember – it’s best to include a “time scale”, a deadline by which to achieve your chosen objectives! You should also keep in mind, as a Chav, you’ll no longer be numbered among the seven million or so semi-literate individuals living within UK borders; instead you’ll have joined the vast number of happily illiterate folks, the unintelligentsia, who spend their time watching six year old repeats of Big Brother on digital TV while consuming Doner Kebabs and dripping rancid lamb fat on the sofa.

So, the list (an example):

1. Fink upmarkit – go fer Shish Kebab. An not a crappy half a pitta with chips stuffed in, niver. Go the ‘ole hog. Big bits of burnt greasy meat. Yum, yum, yum. From tonite.
2. Get an ASBO. ASP. Aim to win three of these special Nu Labor awards by end of Feb. Show yer a man (sorry) MAN and not a big woman’s pee thing.
3. Don’t take ketamine wen you’ve bin sniffing Bostick or nail varnish remover or doin a lot ov weed – unless yer Income Support or other benefit payments are late. From next week.
4. Each time a cop car passes, shout in yer loudest voice: “Can I smell bacon?” From Today.
5. If it move, shag it (not yer stupid sisters/bruvers, unless nofink better about/available).

Over Arching Goal:

Wot would everyone say if we Chavs behaved like the countries of the world? I’ll tell yer. They would say wer stupid, crass, ignorant, hopeless. That’s right, init? Yet they’re worse, in they? So it’s about time we took over.

So, to recap: you’ve woken one morning, climbed from bed, glanced in the mirror and quietly said: “My God, I’m a Chav.” Despair not. While the word Chav supposedly stands for “Council House and Violent” later usage has diminished the need of a “Council House” though a particular attitude of mind, supported by irrational tantrums, violent outbursts and total selfishness, is essential. Make your “to do” list now.

Remember: fail to plan and you plan to fail!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Your behavior from this point on must (MUST) have far reaching social ramifications. When approached or arrested by police officers, you say: “No comment” to each question asked. Confronted by Social Workers explain you are suffering from ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) which will be sufficient mitigation for even the most extremely aberrant behavior imaginable (especially with your now much lower IQ).

Remember: The World Is Your Oyster.

In particular you should express (with me) a particular debt of gratitude to Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, and Nu Labour whose policies (pursued with such single-minded vigor) constitute one of the biggest experiments in social engineering ever witnessed in this nation; and without which the concept of a “Chav” could never have existed! The bright fabric of our day-to-day lives would accordingly have been seriously diminished. Socialism for the oughties has ensured a growing gap between rich and poor. It played the part of Robin Hood in reverse. It ensured we have a Police Force more concerned with “quotas” and “equality” than actual “policing”. The rise of the Chav coincided with an upsurge in the problem of binge drinking and anti-social behavior.

So, a final word or two from our new born Chav?

“Big shout out to all da boys, its fer life an yous knows it! Nu labor is fookin’ beeest! Them Conservative r all twats! I’ll fookin’ kill ‘em! The BNP is like Nu Labor, init? So okay. Izzit right, this election stuff? Fookit, I sez. Lets get twatted , go fookin’ mental, like. Lets just hav a government for life.”

Work those “Vaginally Used Muscles” and wed a millionaire!

God Lord, whatever next? The world according to Marie Claire:

‘One of the latest trends is “VUM-building,” which sounds like a doomed Soviet industrial project but is apparently a surefire way to get your man addicted to you. VUM stands for “Vaginally Used Muscles,” and a number of schools are offering courses in strengthening and toning the muscles using special equipment — a kind of gym for the vagina.’

‘ “Once a woman reaches optimal fitness, she can shoot a fountain of water up out of her vagina in the bath,” boasts Nikitina, a ponytailed blonde in a leopard-print top. The core device is a small silicone balloon that is inserted in the vagina and inflated with a pneumatic pump. “You squeeze against the balloon and measure the pressure on the attached gauges,” says Nikitina. Fine-tuning can be achieved by learning to shoot out pebbles onto a metal target.’

The mind boggles…

Don’t Steal