Thinking about the Mekon…

So I sit here staring out the window with my one good eye, like Odin the other’s been sacrificed to wisdom ( well, hardly that I s’pose, to be truthful ). My thoughts, unexpectedly, turn to the Mekon…

I first encountered him in the pages of The Eagle comic as a boy – an encounter that also encompassed a first time acquaintanceship with gas chambers. At the time, I couldn’t get my head around the idea of specifically building a “chamber” in which people were to be killed.

It seemed absurd.

Madness.

Monstrous.

The chamber, I recall, was all gleaming stainless steel – a truly sterile affair, where execution, the murder of one individual by the state (or in this case the Mekon), could be conducted in a clean, methodical manner. The victim’s only input in to this ritual, of course, was to die quietly.

At the time we had a gas fire in the living room and the gas had a musty unpleasant stink to it. I imagined that small stainless steel chamber gradually filling with the stink of gas. Was it the smell that killed you?

Anyway, the Mekon was this small green super-scientist with a huge head (reflecting I guess the size of his brain, hence his mind warping IQ) whose atrophied limbs required him to utilize this little hoverdisc that resembled nothing more than a flying commode. He was Lord of the Treens, a race of green meanies inhabiting the northern hemisphere of Venus. The Mekon, unhappy with half a planet, desired all of Venus , the earth, the solar system, everything. The Mekon was a true, textbook megalomaniac…(only such a condition isn’t recognised medically)

He was the creation of Frank Hampson, the brilliant originator of the Dan Dare comic strip. The Dare strip was ingenious and to the mind of a young boy, it was the future!

In one strip the Mekon declares ‘We shall overcome any misguided resistance and later reduce your population (i.e. the earth’s population) to scientific limits’.

Ummm, with hindsight, perhaps the human race would have been better off if the Mekon had taken over? Perhaps we’d have had less problems today? Instead of breeding like…well, like Rabbits, we would have been forced to conform to “scientific limits” on our numbers?

But the Mekon was thwarted by Dan Dare. The world remained free. The earth’s population continued to multiply – and to pollute the planet that birthed it. Of course, we now see the “misguided resistance”, so shocking to the Mekon’s sensibilities, was nothing more than a display of human greed. The world government on Earth was full of Neo-Colonialists who wished to exploit the mineral wealth of Venus…as always exploitation was the name of the game.

Today, I find it interesting that the Mekon and the Treens were green. Green for healthy. Green as a lettuce leaf. Green as…well, if I were a cynic, green as gangrene, except the puss from that is yellowish. Perhaps Frank Hampson was ahead of his time in suggesting we should look after our environment? Unfortunately, it was a message not heard or understood by many.

Slightly more people heard and listened to Rachel Carson. Her book Silent Spring back in 1962 launched the environmental movement. One could almost say that Carson made ecology “subversive”, science (or a scientist) against industry ( or greedy capitalists), when she went head-to-head with the chemical industry.

Today the earth really has need of the Mekon. We’ve got plenty of Dan Dares – too many, probably. What we need is a big headed, bright-green, super-scientist on a flying shitter, putting everything to rights…instead we get a George Bush or a Tony Blair or a Gordon Brown or a Nicolas Sarkozy or a clone of one or all of them – did you notice Sarkozy recently launched an attack on immigrants in France? He is himself the child of immigrants. What madness the scramble for popularity engenders…

We need a Mekon to ensure we reduce the number of planes in the air – the whole damn world flies off to attended a meeting on Climate Change. Have these people not heard of Video Conferencing?

We need a Mekon to reverse globalisation, create intelligent urban design, oversee decentralisation with all power returning to local communities (very like the Swiss local communes).

We need to make better use of our water supplies– for example in new buildings we ensure the recycling of water from bath or shower to a reserve tank used for flushing the WC etc, simple but efficient and not expensive to do. All over Germany and Austria I recently saw home power solar panels – huge numbers of dwellings have them, and Germany has built more windmills than any other country in Europe. In the UK we’re still arguing about them, and you hardly ever see a solar panel, they’re too expensive for the average family to install…

In Europe huge amounts of goods are moved by barge on a network of canals, many of the barges holding the load of up to seventy commercial vehicles. In the UK, it mostly travels by road. We’ve even managed to price the majority of commercial goods off the railways…

We need a Mekon to introduce an element of common sense. In time (a lot of time granted ) the earth will become like that gleaming steel gas chamber. Human greed will have condemned the race to death. We will go out not with a bang but a whimper…

And now, deep in ennui, it’s started to rain. The sound of the rain is the saddest of sounds. I seem to remember the Mekon once said about human beings:

“STOP THEM! You fools STOP THEM!!”

That says it all, doesn’t it?

Metamorphosis

So you wake up one morning as a Chav – in fact you could be king of the Chavs, for all I know!

No, scrap that, EMPEROR of the flaming Chavs! In fact, you’re behaviour could make Ming the Merciless look like Mother Teresa of Calcutta (Agnesë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu – now, of course, Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, since her beatification by Pope John Paul)!

Anyway, you wake as a Chav (like Gregor Samsa in Kafka’s ‘‘Die Verwandlung’’ – “The Metamorphosis” – who woke terribly transformed), so what are you going to do about it?

Let’s give this a little thought: Samsa in Kafka’s novel found himself transformed into a giant earwig-like or cockroach-like insect; subsequently he became a burden to his family who kept him locked up and isolated in his room. Obviously Kafka used Samsa and his fate as a metaphor for oppression (in this instance the oppression of Capitalism and duty) and alienation (from society).

Now, as a Chav, duty won’t be much of a problem for you – other than excise duty, that is. And likely the only oppression you experience is the cost of Stella, aka “wife beater”, and the whiney neighbours who secretly (illegally?)film you taking a dump on their front lawn after a night down the pub with mates. Naughty, naughty, neighbours.

In fact, chances are after your metamorphosis, you could become an oppressor yourself – to neighbours, local authority officials, police, you name it. So you’ll soon come to realise being a Chav does have advantages. You, most likely, will alienate society! You’ll certainly piss off your neighbours at the very least (but not the really hard cases, eh?).

So, as a brand new Chav, what should you do to begin?

Make a “to do” list, prioritise your objectives: a five point list is good; ten points is better. But remember – it’s best to include a “time scale”, a deadline by which to achieve your chosen objectives! You should also keep in mind, as a Chav, you’ll no longer be numbered among the seven million or so semi-literate individuals living within UK borders; instead you’ll have joined the vast number of happily illiterate folks, the unintelligentsia, who spend their time watching six year old repeats of Big Brother on digital TV while consuming Doner Kebabs and dripping rancid lamb fat on the sofa.

So, the list (an example):

1. Fink upmarkit – go fer Shish Kebab. An not a crappy half a pitta with chips stuffed in, niver. Go the ‘ole hog. Big bits of burnt greasy meat. Yum, yum, yum. From tonite.
2. Get an ASBO. ASP. Aim to win three of these special Nu Labor awards by end of Feb. Show yer a man (sorry) MAN and not a big woman’s pee thing.
3. Don’t take ketamine wen you’ve bin sniffing Bostick or nail varnish remover or doin a lot ov weed – unless yer Income Support or other benefit payments are late. From next week.
4. Each time a cop car passes, shout in yer loudest voice: “Can I smell bacon?” From Today.
5. If it move, shag it (not yer stupid sisters/bruvers, unless nofink better about/available).

Over Arching Goal:

Wot would everyone say if we Chavs behaved like the countries of the world? I’ll tell yer. They would say wer stupid, crass, ignorant, hopeless. That’s right, init? Yet they’re worse, in they? So it’s about time we took over.

So, to recap: you’ve woken one morning, climbed from bed, glanced in the mirror and quietly said: “My God, I’m a Chav.” Despair not. While the word Chav supposedly stands for “Council House and Violent” later usage has diminished the need of a “Council House” though a particular attitude of mind, supported by irrational tantrums, violent outbursts and total selfishness, is essential. Make your “to do” list now.

Remember: fail to plan and you plan to fail!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Your behavior from this point on must (MUST) have far reaching social ramifications. When approached or arrested by police officers, you say: “No comment” to each question asked. Confronted by Social Workers explain you are suffering from ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) which will be sufficient mitigation for even the most extremely aberrant behavior imaginable (especially with your now much lower IQ).

Remember: The World Is Your Oyster.

In particular you should express (with me) a particular debt of gratitude to Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, and Nu Labour whose policies (pursued with such single-minded vigor) constitute one of the biggest experiments in social engineering ever witnessed in this nation; and without which the concept of a “Chav” could never have existed! The bright fabric of our day-to-day lives would accordingly have been seriously diminished. Socialism for the oughties has ensured a growing gap between rich and poor. It played the part of Robin Hood in reverse. It ensured we have a Police Force more concerned with “quotas” and “equality” than actual “policing”. The rise of the Chav coincided with an upsurge in the problem of binge drinking and anti-social behavior.

So, a final word or two from our new born Chav?

“Big shout out to all da boys, its fer life an yous knows it! Nu labor is fookin’ beeest! Them Conservative r all twats! I’ll fookin’ kill ‘em! The BNP is like Nu Labor, init? So okay. Izzit right, this election stuff? Fookit, I sez. Lets get twatted , go fookin’ mental, like. Lets just hav a government for life.”

Mum at war with Brown

In sadness I place this link HERE. It’s a transcript of the 13-minute telephone conversation between PM Gordon Brown and Jacqui Janes, mum of tragic Guardsman Jamie, 20.

At one point Mrs. Janes is reduced to saying: “I cannot believe I have been brought down to the level of having an argument with the Prime Minister of my own country.”

At another the grieving woman states: “No, Mr Brown, Mr Brown, listen to me… I know every injury that my child sustained that day. I know that my son could have survived but my son bled to death. How would you like it if one of your children, God forbid, went to a war doing something that he thought, where he was helping protect his Queen and country and because of lack, LACK of helicopters, lack of equipment your child bled to death and then you had the coroner have to tell you his every injury?

Do you understand Mr Brown? Lack of equipment.”

Read it and weep.

I should add, rather belatedly, that you shouldn’t weep because of our Gordon. No. He has tried to do the right thing. He wrote in all honesty, I feel sure, a letter of commiseration. Unfortunately he’s partially sighted, and has atrocious handwriting (or so we’re informed). His gesture failed, unfortunately , and I can’t help but feel some sympathy for him because of that.

However, be that as it may, our tears should be shed for the circumstances of the young man’s death. And for all the young men still to die on our behalf, in a war that should never have been fought. Yes. Now is the time for your tears.

The Battle of Falkirk – revenge at last?

 

Goodness, Parliament burns…but is Gordon safe?

Ah! The Battle of Falkirk (1298)…of course!

July 22 was the date of The Battle of Falkirk, where Scottish pikemen were cut to pieces by English longbowmen. 2009 is the year a Scotish Prime Minister obtained revenge!! He cut the English nation down to size singlehandedly!!

Gordon will be at the celebrations tomorrow, for sure!

Gordon Brown ready to take on all comers!!

There’s a story going the rounds that our Gordon has had his Parliamentary office refurbished? Apparently it’s designed for any eventuality?

Sir Alan Sugar sacks Gordon

“Viglen, the UK PC maker, has won a Office of Government Commerce contract worth up to £30m to supply public sector organisations with 70,000 PCs. Its chairman, Sir Alan Sugar, is very pleased indeed.

“We are delighted to have been awarded this contract on an equitable basis”, he says. Does this suggest to you that he thinks some contracts are awarded on less equitable terms?”

Gordon’s signature tune

Just a little light relief…the local polling stations are very quiet, which is sad. Ultimately we get the administrations we vote for…or, if you prefer, we get the administrations we deserve, by not voting!

If the Lisbon treaty goes ahead the pound sterling will be gone within two years. Briton will be IN the Euro up to its sad, scrawny neck.

Just think on that and all it will mean!

Gordon Brown strikes back!

“We should be eternally grateful to have a leader with such mesmorising foresight, in the coming age of glorious New Labour Socialism.”

Someone’s havin’ a laugh! See it HERE. “No Leader But Gordon”.

Gordon Brown tells it as it is…

You’ve probably seen Mr. Brown’s erudite and lucid explanation for what’s been happening on the political front in the Sun newspaper. But in case you haven’t, I present this:

“I CAME into politics because I wanted to change the world.”

Oh, just like in the pop song… Well, Gordon, didn’t you once say you’d “saved the world”?

Wouldn’t that do?

No?

Ummm, you haven’t really changed the world, but you’ve well and truly shafted Briton…that’s got to account for something, hasn’t it?

“I love this country and, like most British people, I’m proud of the way that we decide things democratically.”

Which country do you mean then, Gordon? Scotland? Wales? Northern Ireland? England? ‘cause the UK isn’t a country, you know, old bean? Nor is Britain! You seem a tad geographically confused? Perhaps you’re referring to Spain? Off to Torremolinos for your summer hols, eh? Already slipped into holiday mode….

“We’ve got no big history of extremism in this country because our Parliament – the oldest in the world – has always been a symbol of how we decide things fairly together.”

So why the hell are we spending soooo much money on “anti-terror measures”?

Your mob spend much more now than when we were getting regularly bombed by the IRA!

And in fact we wouldn’t have any problems at all, if your mate Tony hadn’t gone off on one and invaded Iraq and Afganistan…after misleading Parliament and the electorate.

“But our democracy has been discredited by the scandals of recent weeks — revelations that have made me furious because it seems some people have been serving themselves and not the public.”

You’re furious?

You didn’t know what was going on, then? No news on the planet Zarg, eh Gord?

You didn’t claim for two different second homes, while living in the same “grace and favour” flat for twelve years? And what about that flat you purchased and placed in your wife’s name while switching your second home designation to Scotland? Would that have been done to avoid Capital Gains Tax?

“So I’m determined to do whatever it takes to clean up politics.”

Yeah, right, so what have you done? Sacked half your cabinet? Rid yourself of all those Nu-Labour MPs who’ve been shown as “troughing”?

Nooo, none of that!

Instead you’ve set up a committee!

Gordon, I’m sorry, but you are a first class joke! If you had the least thread of moral turpitude or human decency you’d call an election NOW!

It’s what the people WANT and they want it NOW!

Not simple minded platitudes, but an ELECTION…NOW!

Your data is safe with us – sure it is!

Nulabour who want bigger and better databases, a national ID card system backed up by, guess what?

Yes, the biggest national database yet, storing everyone’s private details, which, the Government assures us, will keep that information safe and secure.

I think by now we all know these knobheads are off with Alice down the rabbit hole. But for those more gullible, who thought there might have been a modicum of truth in Honest Gordon’s pronouncements, see this:

“The personal medical records of tens of thousands of people have been lost by the NHS, the Department of Health has confirmed.
A total of 140 security breaches were reported within the NHS between January and April this year.

These included computers containing medical records stolen and left by skips and stolen and passwords taped on encrypted discs with sensitive information, The Independent newspaper said.

Over the last six months, the Information Commissioner has been forced to take action against 14 NHS bodies for breaching data regulations.”

Oh dear…not so secure then? What about this:

“Senior RAF staff could be at risk of blackmail after files detailing alleged drug abuse, extra-marital affairs and use of prostitutes were stolen, it has been reported.

Computer disc drives taken from RAF Innsworth in Gloucestershire contained details gathered while vetting staff for security clearance, the Guardian has claimed.

At the time of the theft in September last year, the Ministry of Defence said that personal data such as bank details and addresses could have been lost.

But an internal memo obtained under the Freedom of Information Act and published in the Guardian appears to confirm that “vetting” information also disappeared”

I really don’t think the Government or any of its official tentacles can be trusted with the security of our data. After all said and done, they were keeping the data on MPs expenses secure for a June release weren’t they? They couldn’t even protect them…someone tore open the wet paperbag, perhaps?