Silence seizes the cluttered room…

June 10, 2015

colours

So this morning, I’m all about a good ol’ ménage à trois. I live at the back of beyond, like a feckin’ outcast from real life, and I do so at times with two women (one full time, one part time). We (collectively) are the talk of our nearest village.

Wow!

Every man’s dream! Two women…!

Yeah, right. Except it’s not a feckin’ dream, believe me.

Now, I have to be a little circumspect in the comments I make here. I’ve no wish to upset or hurt, or to defame friends or neighbours. Or lovers, come to that.

Some of you may well have experienced a multi-partner sextravaganza of one sort or another. Swinging, swapping, whatever. Good for you. Some of you, too, may have read the Kingsley Amis novel The Green Man. Well, my ménage à trois has more in common with the one depicted in Mr Amis’ book, rather than the average male masturbatory fantasy.

Boys, it is feckin’ neigh impossible to keep one woman happy, let alone two!

My ménage à trois came about by accident. I was in a long term relationship with one woman, who then met and became attracted to another woman. So far so simple. Except simple, it isn’t. These things never are. Because over time I came to fall in love with the second woman, too. Suddenly, I’m living Sartre’s “Huis-clos” and “L’enfer, c’est les autres” for sure!

We are three people hopelessly in love with the idea of being in love with each other. And we are three people at times jealous of, and resentful of, each other. Outside life, work and what-have-you, chews up great chunks of our days. Our combined lives are like organised chaos. At times they are shite, quite honestly. At others like a glimpse of paradise…a paradise never quite obtained! But we have each other, always…like any ordinary couple – only we are a triple! And like any ordinary couple, there are stresses and strains (oh, boy, are there).

Often I feel like the odd one out. The girls are co-conspirators who take each other’s side against me…At least that’s the way I see it.

You can almost taste my paranoia, eh?

Occasionally, they delight in scoring points off each other. Invariably they’ll try to use me in their little games. I’ll become the unwilling and unsuspecting shuttlecock slammed back and forth between them.

Ours is no fairy-tale romance. I think that’s the biggest problem for Gabby. She loves Dee, wants a close, intimate, long-term relationship with her. She has a head full of crazy ideas of romantic love, and the unavailability of her ideal seems only to provided further fuel to these romantic fantasies.

In an ideal world she would marry Dee, and live happily ever after – like in the movies or a fairy-tale. But Dee will never marry. She’s made it very clear that if her worldview should suffer a sudden sea-change, she certainly wouldn’t marry another woman. She enjoys men and adventures too much.

Dee pulls no punches. She tells it as it is.

For myself I follow the advice of Rainer Maria Rilke who says, to ‘love the distances in a relationship as much as the togetherness.’

We are lucky, however, and I believe the three of us recognise that much. We work well together as a unit. We learn from each other, and we hardly ever fight…The day-to-day pleasures of sharing our lives is the thing makes us stronger – happier! We make each other laugh. We have much in common.

And then there’s the sex – regular stoking of the old neurochemicals triggers even greater loving feelings between us. Know what I mean?

The girls like their alone time together. In the beginning I felt totally superfluous to requirements, the proverbial spare prick at the wedding. But now I’ve adjusted to this. Nights spent in the guest bedroom aren’t that bad, and the girls always make it up to me afterwards. Guilt makes them very loving…

What I really love best, is the way we sit after our evening meal, let the silence seize the cluttered room, while we remain alone together. These are the times I long to last forever…

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