February 19, 2017


Once more home is a strange place: by the ocean a
big house now, and the small houses are memories,
once live images, vacant
thoughts here, sinking and vanishing.

Rough sea now on the shore thundering brokenly
draws back stones with a roar out into quiet and
far depths, darkly to lie there
years, years – there not a sound from them.
New waves out of the night’s mist and obscurity
lunge up high on the beach, spending their energy,
each wave angrily dying,
all shapes endlessly altering,

yet out there in the depths nothing is modified.
Earthquakes won’t even move – no, nor the hurricane –
one stone there, nor a glance of
sun’s light stir its identity.

Richard Moore

Signior Dildo

February 19, 2017


You Ladyes all of Merry England
Who have been to kisse the Dutchesse’s hand,
Pray did you lately observe in the Show
A Noble Italian call’d Signior Dildo?
The Signior was one of her Highness’s Train
And helpt to Conduct her over the Main,
But now she Crys out to the Duke I will go,
I have no more need for Seignior Dildo.
At the Signe of the Crosse in Saint James’s Street,
When next you go thither to make your Selfes Sweet,
By Buying of Powder, Gloves, Essence, or Soe
You may Chance get a Sight of Signior Dildo.
You’l take him at first for no Person of Note
Because he appears in a plain Leather Coat:
But when you his virtuous Abilities know
You’ll fall down and Worship Signior Dildo.
My Lady Southesk, Heav’ns prosper her for’t,
First Cloath’d him in Satten, then brought him to Court;
But his Head in the Circle, he Scarcely durst Show,
So modest a Youth was Signior Dildo.
The good Lady Suffolk thinking no harm,
Had got this poor Stranger hid under her Arm:
Lady Betty by Chance came the Secret to know,
And from her own Mother, Stole Signior Dildo:
The Countesse of Falmouth, of whom People tell
Her Footmen wear Shirts of a Guinea an Ell:
Might Save the Expence, if she did but know
How Lusty a Swinger is Signior Dildo.
By the Help of this Gallant the Countesse of Rafe
Against the feirce Harris preserv’d her Self Safe:
She Stifl’d him almost beneath her Pillow,
So Closely she imbrac’d Signior Dildo.
Our dainty fine Dutchesse’s have got a Trick
To Doat on a Fool, for the Sake of his Prick,
The Fopps were undone, did their Graces but know
The Discretion and vigor of Signior Dildo.
That Pattern of Virtue, her Grace of Cleaveland,
Has Swallow’d more Pricks, then the Ocean has Sand,
But by Rubbing and Scrubbing, so large it do’s grow,
It is fit for just nothing but Signior Dildo.
The Dutchesse of Modena, tho’ she looks high,
With such a Gallant is contented to Lye:
And for fear the English her Secrets shou’d know,
For a Gentleman Usher took Signior Dildo.
The countess of the Cockpit (who knows not her Name)
She’s famous in Story, for a Killing Dame:
When all her old Lovers forsake her I Trow
She’l then be contented with Signior Dildo.
Red Howard, Red Sheldon, and Temple so tall
Complain of his absence so long from Whitehall:
Signior Barnard has promis’d a Journy to goe,
And bring back his Countryman Signior Dildo.
Doll Howard no longer with his Highness must Range,
And therefore is profer’d this Civill Exchange:
Her Teeth being rotten, she Smells best below,
And needs must be fitted for Signior Dildo.
St Albans with Wrinkles and Smiles in his Face
Whose kindnesse to Strangers, becomes his high Place,
In his Coach and Six Horses is gone to Pergo,
To take the fresh Air with Signior Dildo.
Were this Signior but known to the Citizen Fopps
He’d keep their fine Wives from the Foremen of Shops,
But the Rascalls deserve their Horns shou’d Still grow,
For Burning the Pope, and his Nephew Dildo.
Tom Killigrews wife, North Hollands fine Flower,
At the Sight of this Signior, did fart, and Belch Sow’r,
And her Dutch Breeding farther to Show,
Says welcome to England, myn Heer Van Dildo.
He civilly came to the Cockpitt one night,
And profer’d his Service to fair Madam Knight,
Quoth she, I intrigue with Captain Cazzo
Your Nose in myne Arse good Seignior Dildo.
This Signior is sound, safe, ready, and Dumb,
As ever was Candle, Carret, or Thumb:
Then away with these nasty devices, and Show
How you rate the just merits of Signior Dildo.
Count Cazzo who carryes his Nose very high,
In Passion he Swore, his Rivall shou’d Dye,
Then Shutt up himself, to let the world know,
Flesh and Blood cou’d not bear it from Signior Dildo.
A Rabble of Pricks, who were welcome before,
Now finding the Porter deny’d ’em the Door,
Maliciously waited his coming below,
And inhumanely fell on Signior Dildo.
Nigh weary’d out, the poor Stranger did fly
And along the Pallmall, they follow’d full Cry,
The Women concern’d from every Window,
Cry’d, Oh! for Heavn’s sake save Signior Dildo.
The good Lady Sandys, burst into a Laughter
To see how the Ballocks came wobbling after,
And had not their weight retarded the Fo
Indeed ‘t had gone hard with Signior Dildo.

John Wilmot
Earl of Rochester

Making you gay

February 19, 2017


In bed with the milkman

February 19, 2017


She divorced her husband, y’ know. I never knew him, it was before I met Jane. Apparently she came back from work one mornin’ an’ found her husband in bed with the milkman. With the milkman, honest to God. Well, apparently, from that day forward Jane was a feminist. An’ I’ve noticed, she never takes milk in her tea.

Willy Russell
Shirley Valentine

Girl crush

February 19, 2017


A girl crush is different from being gay. A girl crush is like when one girl is so into another girl that it’s almost sexual, but not quite. A girl crush is way creepier than being gay, which is not at all creepy and in fact is completely awesome, in case you were wondering.

Sara Benincasa


Diary 19th February

My interest in history?

It was the way our teacher approached the subject back in the day, made it so much different to my other classes. I can’t remember her name now, but I can visualize her face. I was seven years old.

It was a mixed class, boys and girls, and we all sat around listening to her, still as statues as she told us about the Stone Age, Neanderthal man and the first Homo Sapiens. It fired my imagination.

I remember working flint in the garden at home and making my own (lethal) Stone Axe, using a tree branch (suitably trimmed and stripped of bark) and twine. My first attempt at ‘historic’ reconstruction.


Dildos are great and vibrators are fun,
But nothing beats the strength of my tongue!


Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be fun…


I felt your mouth on me as I slept. I forgot about your teeth…Ah, my sweet vampire!


Trump, Trump, Trump…

Poor Donald seems to be floundering, out of his depth. He plays the media, of course, and they hate it. Each day in office he creates a new controversy and the media like a pack of constipated gripe hounds hurry to the sound of “their master’s voice”.

He has, without doubt, outraged the world with his attempted immigrant ban. But he’s certainly NOT the first president to do this. Back in 1882, Chester A Arthur signed his name to the ‘Chinese Exclusion Act’ banning Chinese for a period of ten years from entry into the US.

President Franklin D Roosevelt, elected four times no less, argued Jewish refugees posed a threat to US national security. Exaggerating the fear that Nazi spies could be hiding in their number, he limited the number of German Jews who could be admitted to 26,000 annually. (Less than 25% of that number were actually admitted).

Theodore Roosevelt, that tireless advocate of war and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize (one should never underestimate Scandinavian wit), banned “Anarchists” from entry to the US along with sufferers of epilepsy, beggars and importers of prostitutes. It was the first time ‘the home of the brave and land of the free’ banned people because of their political beliefs.

And more recently, Jimmy Carter banned Iranians from entering the US. His attorney general, Benjamin Civiletti, ordered all Iranians with student visas to report to U.S. immigration within a month or face possible deportation. Almost 60,000 students were registered as requested, 430 were deported and 5,000 left voluntarily. There was no great outcry or gnashing of teeth at the time by the moral majority.

And then President Ronald Reagan, dear Ronnie, inventor of the Star Wars project and ex-FBI informer, banned HIV positive persons from arriving in the US. This law was influenced by homophobic and xenophobic sentiment towards Africans and minorities at the time. Again, the media paid little attention.

So perhaps the problem is NOT the immigration ban as such, but is more about President Trump’s ‘style’ of government? He is NOT seen as “presidential” by the media, possibly?

Perhaps they are comparing him with those rather dim presidents in the past? Rutherford B Hayes, for example. Hayes and his wife known as Lemonade Lucy were high society butterflies. Of course, his opponent in the 1876 election, Samuel Tilden, was elected president by a quarter of a million votes. But Congress and the Supreme court, showing they could act just as forcefully and illegally as any president, reversed the election and the poignantly blameless Rutherford became know thereafter as president Rutherfraud.

Or then again, perhaps it’s Trump’s wealth the media and his opponents take issue with? The US, of course, has never had a ‘poor’ president. Even George Washington was a millionaire (his fortune honestly acquired via marriage). From that day to this, holders of the presidential office simply became increasingly more wealthy – that had to be the case in order to finance their political campaigns. And the media flourishes on the hundreds of millions of dollars spent at election time for television advertising – air time that increasingly avoids anything political, while indulging in ever more disgraceful character assassination.

Or then again, perhaps it’s the way Donald backcombs his hair pisses off so many people? I don’t know. It’s a mystery. He’s not a very ‘revolutionary or original’ president; most of what he suggests has been done before – like the famous wall between US and Mexico,  a build already commenced by another, earlier president!

No. Ultimately, I see Donald Trump as one of the prosperous few making wide-ranging promises to the restless many – his personal goal, to depart on that magical ego trip of White House residency. But will he keep those promises? Are they even realistic or realisable? Only time will tell…