(October 19, 1913 advert for Baker Electrics cars from The Washington Post)

abducted by aliens

November 16, 2017


So, last Friday night is a total blank, is it? You can’t remember squat about it? Maybe, just maybe, you were abducted by aliens…

Come on, don’t laugh, it happens!

There are verious telltale signs and symptoms, you know. For example:

• A memory gap could suggest you were abducted by aliens and compelled to forget the experience. Let’s face it, Ming the merciless is no stranger to Rohypnol; besides which he’s developed all those mind-bending machines, hasn’t he?

• Yeah, yeah. You struggle to make sense of fragmentary recollections: blurred memories of bright lights (like a riot of neon-lit sleaze, yeah?), odd beings (Usually, they have big eyes and even bigger heads like humpty dumpty); and then there’s those invasive medical procedures (yeah, let’s not think about that too much).

• Panicky fear overcomes you whenever you approach a particular location (Possibly a bar when it’s your round?), or see lights in the sky or a helicopter hovering overhead, or find yourself in situations suggestive of repressed trauma. And you may react with anxiety to movies, magazine articles, and books that deal with UFOs and alien encounters.

• You may experience difficulty sleeping and when you do fall asleep, you doze only lightly. You may dream of spaceships or bizarre creatures with oversize eyes ( they may also have flowing black hair, fake Louis Vuitton purses, and gyrate around you to canned techno music), and you may inexplicably wake up at the same time every night in a cold sweat. In the morning, you may feel disoriented and have short bouts of dizziness, numbness, tingling and paralysis. A headache is not unusual.

• Upon waking, you may find blood on your pillow – a possible after effect of the surgical implantation or removal of alien tracking devices in your nose or ears.

• You may also discover puzzling marks on your body – pinpricks wounds, scrapes, straight-line scars, small crater-like depressions, and bruises that could well be evidence of the physical examinations you endured during your abduction.

Growing numbers of people claim to have been abducted by aliens and there are even those who claim they are alien/human hybrids (I’ve met several working in the local tax offices), following on from their mothers being taken and injected with extraterrestrial DNA!

So, you’ve been warned, boys and girls. Take great care out there. Ming the Merciless will stop at nothing to have his way with you – and if Ming is away, his daughter, Princess Aura is a chip of the old block! She’ll not hesitate to turn you inside out or transform you into a lizard woman to work in the terrible mines of Mongo, or worse still – rip your mind from your body and leave you a shambling idiot with green, scaly alien skin….