Dirty Valentine

October 15, 2019

There are so many things I’m not allowed to tell you.
I touch myself, I dream.
Wearing your clothes or standing in the shower for over an hour, pretending
that this skin is your skin, these hands your hands,
these shins, these soapy flanks.
The musicians start the overture while I hide behind the microphone,
trying to match the dubbing
to the big lips shining down from the screen.
We’re filming the movie called Planet of Love –
there’s sex of course, and ballroom dancing,
fancy clothes and waterlilies in the pond, and half the night you’re
a dependable chap, mounting the stairs in lamplight to the bath, but then
the too white teeth all night,
all over the American sky, too much to bear, this constant fingering,
your hands a river gesture, the birds in flight, the birds still singing
outside the greasy window, in the trees.
There’s a part in the movie
where you can see right through the acting,
where you can tell that I’m about to burst into tears,
right before I burst into tears
and flee to the slimy moonlit riverbed
canopied with devastated clouds.
We’re shouting the scene where
I swallow your heart and you make me
spit it up again. I swallow your heart and it crawls
right out of my mouth.
You swallow my heart and flee, but I want it back now, baby. I want it back.
Lying on the sofa with my eyes closed, I didn’t want to see it this way,
everything eating everything in the end.
We know how the light works,
we know where the sound is coming from.
Verse. Chorus. Verse.
I’m sorry. We know how it works. The world is no longer mysterious.

Richard Siken

so magical

October 15, 2019

There are some people so magical, that no matter how far away they are, you can feel their breathing in your soul.

My heart

October 15, 2019

My heart broke in two; but soon, damn him, the two pieces reattached themselves. Are you aware of certain sails with a thousand patches, red, yellow, black, sewn with red string, which now resist the worst storms? My heart is like that. It has a thousand holes and a thousand patches, it is invincible.

Nikos Kazantzakis
The Odyssey : A Modern Sequel

bring them back to life

October 15, 2019

Don’t look too long at dead serpents. For dead serpents revive under the gaze of those who love them. The witching eyes of Lilith bring them back to life, just like moonlight animates stagnant waters. They love the moon, because she is as cruel as they are. They adore that insidious light.

Renée Vivien
A Woman Appeared To Me
trans. Jeanette H. Foster,