Relishing The Cucumber

December 22, 2019

I heard about this chick
who would go to the grocery store
and find the largest cucumber she could find.
Have you seen cucumbers lately?
Anyway,
she’d take it home, rub Vaseline all over it
and then strip down
get on all fours
and back her ass up on that cucumber until it was
near broken;
consumed by hungry vagina.
Then she’d have a salad,
garnished with cucumber.
I figure there’s a fine line between
relishing the cucumber… and relishing it.
I figure there’s a fine line between brilliant
and being moved.
About the same level of consumption,
I guess.

Sarah Frances Moran

I wrote “Relishing the Cucumber” in response to “Fucking The Gap” by T.L. Burns. You’ll see the similarity in style and similarity in word choice. I did that purposefully. The poem was called “brilliant” by Rattle and it just baffled me. I wondered had Relishing The Cucumber come first would it have been deemed “brilliant.” My suspicion is no. As cis women we aren’t allowed the “healthy” relationship with our vaginas that cis men have with their penises and where they like to stick them. I’m no prude and I fully admire work that delves deep into the strange fetishes of human nature. It’s the double standard that kills me.

Sarah Frances Moran

Being with you or not being with you is the only meaningful method I have of measuring time.

Jorge Luis Borges
The Book of Sand

Fresh cherries and Borges – what more could a birthday girl want?

The Doughnut

September 22, 2019

At the doughnut shop
There are many choices
Most of the people choose
Doughnuts with the hole
Then eat around it and
When the hole disappears
No one knows where it goes
Nor do they really care

Darlene De Beaulieu

[Ahh! The beauty of a ring doughnut is that the hole is totally calorie FREE! So eat to your hearts content, boys & girls]

An unusual problem

September 22, 2019

When you are giving your boyfriend oral in the car and realise that his penis tastes exactly the same as your best friend’s vagina – only you can’t say anything because you don’t want anyone to know that you LOVE to lick out vaginas. After all a vagina is like a good restaurant – the best food is always served there, right?

Crunch

August 26, 2019

Fancy a take-out tonight?

January 17, 2019

Peedeel at Christmas

 

Dear God, I’m so glad Christmas is over for another year. I’ve consumed industrial quantities of confectionary, drank euro-lakes of wine and at least one barrel of very fine brandy. I’ve gained weight I didn’t need – don’t know how much, I’m too frightened to go near the scales; and I believe that if I did raise the courage to step on them, the scales would either break or scream, “One person at a time, please!” in a loud shrill voice.

P

fruit sundae

December 31, 2018

I must confess that after last night’s fun and games, I devoured a fruit sundae. The crumb, the fruit, the cream and ice cream were a delight. In fact, I had seconds with crushed meringue and spray cream and licked my plate clean.

For all you meat eaters –

December 25, 2018

Nothing beats the taste of a woman!!

The Christmas season is magical, enchanting, and fraught with heinous stories of diabolical supernatural beings. Boughs of holly deck hallways, sugar plum fairies dance inside children’s heads, and an old man forces himself into chimneys around the world after months of tirelessly surveying children. There are so many wonderful stories that are told during Christmas — those of reindeer who fly in the sky, or of Krampus, the Christmas demon that beats children with sticks and drowns them in streams. Then there is Grýla, the hideous Icelandic cannibal troll-woman who abducts children and boils them to death…

Diana Tourjee
Praise Gryla, a terrifying Christmas cannibal

So, boys & girls, Christmas Cannibalism is something of a tradition it would seem…

Peedeel Confesses

December 1, 2018

Okay, I admit it: I’m partial to a few French fries.

What the hell –

I’d eat a mountain of French fries if the opportunity ever arises. I really am a sludge-gulper and don’t care.