handful

Diary 19th February

My interest in history?

It was the way our teacher approached the subject back in the day, made it so much different to my other classes. I can’t remember her name now, but I can visualize her face. I was seven years old.

It was a mixed class, boys and girls, and we all sat around listening to her, still as statues as she told us about the Stone Age, Neanderthal man and the first Homo Sapiens. It fired my imagination.

I remember working flint in the garden at home and making my own (lethal) Stone Axe, using a tree branch (suitably trimmed and stripped of bark) and twine. My first attempt at ‘historic’ reconstruction.

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Dildos are great and vibrators are fun,
But nothing beats the strength of my tongue!

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Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be fun…

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I felt your mouth on me as I slept. I forgot about your teeth…Ah, my sweet vampire!

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Trump, Trump, Trump…

Poor Donald seems to be floundering, out of his depth. He plays the media, of course, and they hate it. Each day in office he creates a new controversy and the media like a pack of constipated gripe hounds hurry to the sound of “their master’s voice”.

He has, without doubt, outraged the world with his attempted immigrant ban. But he’s certainly NOT the first president to do this. Back in 1882, Chester A Arthur signed his name to the ‘Chinese Exclusion Act’ banning Chinese for a period of ten years from entry into the US.

President Franklin D Roosevelt, elected four times no less, argued Jewish refugees posed a threat to US national security. Exaggerating the fear that Nazi spies could be hiding in their number, he limited the number of German Jews who could be admitted to 26,000 annually. (Less than 25% of that number were actually admitted).

Theodore Roosevelt, that tireless advocate of war and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize (one should never underestimate Scandinavian wit), banned “Anarchists” from entry to the US along with sufferers of epilepsy, beggars and importers of prostitutes. It was the first time ‘the home of the brave and land of the free’ banned people because of their political beliefs.

And more recently, Jimmy Carter banned Iranians from entering the US. His attorney general, Benjamin Civiletti, ordered all Iranians with student visas to report to U.S. immigration within a month or face possible deportation. Almost 60,000 students were registered as requested, 430 were deported and 5,000 left voluntarily. There was no great outcry or gnashing of teeth at the time by the moral majority.

And then President Ronald Reagan, dear Ronnie, inventor of the Star Wars project and ex-FBI informer, banned HIV positive persons from arriving in the US. This law was influenced by homophobic and xenophobic sentiment towards Africans and minorities at the time. Again, the media paid little attention.

So perhaps the problem is NOT the immigration ban as such, but is more about President Trump’s ‘style’ of government? He is NOT seen as “presidential” by the media, possibly?

Perhaps they are comparing him with those rather dim presidents in the past? Rutherford B Hayes, for example. Hayes and his wife known as Lemonade Lucy were high society butterflies. Of course, his opponent in the 1876 election, Samuel Tilden, was elected president by a quarter of a million votes. But Congress and the Supreme court, showing they could act just as forcefully and illegally as any president, reversed the election and the poignantly blameless Rutherford became know thereafter as president Rutherfraud.

Or then again, perhaps it’s Trump’s wealth the media and his opponents take issue with? The US, of course, has never had a ‘poor’ president. Even George Washington was a millionaire (his fortune honestly acquired via marriage). From that day to this, holders of the presidential office simply became increasingly more wealthy – that had to be the case in order to finance their political campaigns. And the media flourishes on the hundreds of millions of dollars spent at election time for television advertising – air time that increasingly avoids anything political, while indulging in ever more disgraceful character assassination.

Or then again, perhaps it’s the way Donald backcombs his hair pisses off so many people? I don’t know. It’s a mystery. He’s not a very ‘revolutionary or original’ president; most of what he suggests has been done before – like the famous wall between US and Mexico,  a build already commenced by another, earlier president!

No. Ultimately, I see Donald Trump as one of the prosperous few making wide-ranging promises to the restless many – his personal goal, to depart on that magical ego trip of White House residency. But will he keep those promises? Are they even realistic or realisable? Only time will tell…

Good advice, girls…

February 5, 2017

cake

More prohibitions

January 9, 2017

strange

homeless

Diary 9th January

Well, England’s finally found a solution to homelessness – put ‘em all in jail!

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My heart says ‘Chocolate and wine’ but my jeans say ‘For the love of God, man, eat a feckin’ salad!’

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Went to a city bistro last month, eat Irish vegetable tagine. Unusual, but nice. Although I must confess, I had no idea that traditional Irish cooking was so heavily into tagine usage? Also our waiter, I suspect, was either very, very clumsy or had been smoking the garden again. Know what I mean?

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So what will 2017 hold for us all?

Scotland may finally attain its independence, or at least take the first faltering steps. Good for them.

Teresa Maybe will lead England and the rest of the UK off the edge of the Britex cliff and into freefall.

Donald Trump will be confronted by the four most aggressive revolutionary states (those nations pig-sick about the current status quo), Iran, North Korea, China and Russia (and no, there’s absolutely no truth that Trump and Putin will unite in a civil partnership – Vlad shares with no man!).

Our Don’s biggest challenge, of course, will be to accomplish anything at all. His near messianic belief in his own abilities will come up against Washington’s inherent abhorrence of change. I suspect I know already who will win.

keep the dark outside

December 9, 2016

a-trump-ralph-steadman-new-statesman

Diary 9th December

Well, the circus continues. In the UK Britexit is challenged in the courts, in parliament and in the media. The Lib/Dems are dedicated to its overthrow – one way or another. Labour is, as always, uncertain.

There was a referendum, the people spoke and they decided to leave the EU.

Difficult result for me as a ‘remainer’. Sure, I’ve been one of the biggest critics of the EU in my time. It’s far from perfect, and almost impossible to reform. But I felt it’d be better to remain for a wide variety of reasons.

Now, all I keep hearing is politicians saying, ‘Yes, we respect the will of the people. We’re a democracy after all, BUT…and that BUT is a way for the political class to imply, ‘The electorate, bless ‘em, don’t know their arse from their elbow! We’ll do it again (the referendum, that is) until the idiots get it right!’

I have heard both Liberal and Labour politicians argue that the electorate did NOT know what they were voting for when they voted for exit. Really. This despite hundreds of hours of radio and TV programmes devoted to a political class that promised Armageddon if the UK exited the EU!

But it’s all about self-interest, of course. Not people. Nor democracy.

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In the US, with the election of Trump, hysteria seems to have gripped large sections of the population. Or that’s the way it looks to little ol’ me, an outsider glancing in. The man isn’t yet in office, and the Trumpeter is treated as Der Trümpenführer. It’s as if a huge section of the American population have lost touch with reality.

Reminder: US Presidents CANNOT reverse Supreme Court decisions!

It’s true, boys and girls. Not Obergefell v. Hodges, nor Grutter v. Bollinger, nor any of the other important human rights decisions can be revoked – even if the Trumpeter managed to resurrect H Himmler from the buried dead, and appoint him to the Supreme Court. He couldn’t reverse these decisions without a hugely significant case coming before the courts with new facts, etc – which is unlikely to happen. And even if it did, they’d have to write an opinion stating how this case is different from the original case!

So a US President can’t repeal an existing law or write a new one.

Nor can a US President unilaterally make treaties with foreign nations.

Essentially, while US Presidents have a lot of power, it’s mostly unofficial – they can’t make sweeping laws, they can’t overturn existing rights, the most they can do is refuse to enforce laws – which would be a right royal pain in the arse all round. And I for one, don’t believe the Trumpeter wants to fall on his own sword just yet…So kittens, relax, deep breaths, the end of days is a way off yet. Give the man a chance…

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Difficult times, full of contradiction and absurdity – however, nowhere near as much absurdity as during the Great Schism, usually dated to 1054, when Pope Leo IX and Patriarch Michael I in Constantinople excommunicated each other – a sort of patriarchal one up-manship between two knob-heads, leading to a split between eastern and western Christianity. In fact this mutual excommunication wasn’t lifted until 1965! How crazy is that?

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I must get on, I’ve work to do…

a-finger-in-bum

• The receiver should have a bowel movement beforehand, if necessary. In any case, both partners may prefer if he has a series of enemas shortly before, injecting only enough water to rinse out the rectum. He shouldn’t take too much water too deeply, as it might come out at an importune moment. Enemas, of course, eliminate trace of faeces, but they also relax the anal muscles and stimulate the whole area. Wash with warm water and gentle soap afterwards.

• Start with foreplay: engage in sexy talk, massage his buttocks, have him present himself in a way to expose his anus, give him analingus, spank him, circle the sphincter muscle with a finger, and so on. If you delay the moment of insertion and tease him physically and verbally, he’ll reach the point where he’ll want it so badly he’ll beg.

• Use a lot of lubricant. Water-based lubricants, like KY Jelly, are generally better, as they don’t stain fabrics like silicone-based lubricants. But you have to keep applying, because they get sticky rather fast.

• Enjoy the process of penetration. You shouldn’t race to the prostate any more than you would race to the clitoris. Treat the anus much like you would the vagina, only more gently and with even more patience. It feels wonderful having a lubricated finger plunging in and out, and can be fascinating for the person penetrating the other.

• The prostate is located about two or three inches inside the anus toward the front of the body. Often one can feel it through the wall of the anus as a circular bulge.

• Try circling the pad of a fingertip around the edge of prostate. If you touch it directly, do so gently, with about the same pressure you would apply rubbing your eyeball. You can use a repetitive tapping motion or slide your fingertip back and forth over the prostate. Experiment.

• You can also apply steady pressure while the man squeezes his anal muscles around your finger. Doing this for a long time can produce semen without an orgasm. It’s referred to as prostate milking. It feels good having the prostate empty, and he can still go on to have an orgasm (though the ejaculation will have a much lower volume).

• Try stroking the perineum (the external area of skin between his anus and his testicles) while your finger is inside his anus. This will simultaneously stimulate the prostate from a second angle.

• Oral sex along with prostate massage can feel incredible. Suck his penis in rhythm with your finger in his anus.

• Don’t forget his testicles! You can lick and gently suck on them too.

• Maybe give the prostate a break and just finger his anus. That’s pleasurable in itself, and gives the prostate pleasure indirectly. He might prefer that, having your finger slide in and out.

• He may like to have you insert two or more fingers at once. Start by twisting your index and middle fingers, which will make them enter more easily. Experiment with ways of gently stretching the anal sphincter (the outer “lips,” what people generally refer to as the anus). Once he is really open, you can start inserting a butt plug, dildo, vibrator, or prostate massager, if he so desires.

• One nice trick is to insert a finger using an edible lubricant or a lot of saliva (go very slowly if you do that) and then lick his anus around your finger. This can make an exquisite surprise, having his anus fingered and licked at the same time.

• The orgasms from prostate massage and anal fingering can be incredibly strong, especially for a first timer. Don’t be surprised if he makes a lot of noise while you finger him, and groans or cries out in joyful agony when he cums. He may ejaculate more semen than ever before.

• Many men will prefer that their partner withdraw the finger during orgasm. Somehow it feels right, being able to concentrate on orgasm and ejaculation. The sensation of one’s anus being open, tender, and satisfied may also add a special pleasure.

• Being so intimate, anal fingering and prostate massage can be a deeply emotional, even spiritual experience for a man. Keep that in mind, including in the aftermath of orgasm. He will likely feel vulnerable and in need of quiet affection and gentle words.

HOW TO FINGER A MAN’S ANUS
or
A SHORT GUIDE TO PROSTATE MASSAGE
by WD

‘Witches’, by David Teniers.

I today tell a tale so horrid but true
No fairytale ending but myths that have grew
Of an 11 yr old girl who caught her maid stealing
And off to her parents she did run squealing

The maid so enraged cursed the devil himself
Then everyone worried of the young mistresses health
Stiff as a corpse then fitting begun
Was Katie a Witch should she be hung

The family sailed to the bestest quack
But he was baffled medical records did lack
No possible reason for the illness she has got
But was it Magic did the Witches all plot

The family tried everything in vain
To settle the girl but was she insane
Determined for justice for their daughter they’d fight
They would trial them as Witches but were they right

In 1697 did wealth rule the law
Did those poor souls bewitch the lassie Shaw
30 accused 7 tortured and executed
There innocent blood runs, Paisleys town now polluted

A horseshoe marks there resting place
But did paisleys people fall from grace
Lift the horseshoe let the spirits rise
Onto the heavens above the skies
The Witch hunt continues but the story must cease
To allow the 7 victims to finally rest in peace……

Moira Hamilton

joseph beuys by andy warhol

Diary 27th March

Some tosser stole an hour from me last night. They did the dastardly deed while my back was turned. While I sat writing in my favorite armchair.

WHAM

And the hour was gone…!

Who should I blame? Ben Franklin’s satire from 1784, or that insidious builder and obsessive horse rider and golfer William Willet? Why, even the entomologist George Vernon Hudson is in the frame as Time Thief extraordinaire!

Introduced during the first world war, Daylight Saving Time or British Summer Time was designed to save…coal. And improve productivity…the workers could work longer hours. During our return match with the German’s under team Adolf, Double British Summer Time – two hours ahead of Greenwich Mean Time in the summer and one hour ahead during winter – was introduced, again to improve productivity and to allow the workers to get home before the jolly old blackout.

The duration of British Summer Time was changed in 1998 to bring the date of the start of summer time into line with that used in the rest of the European Community. By an EU directive, summer (or daylight saving) time will be kept between the last Sunday in March to the last Sunday in October, all changes taking place at 01:00 GMT.

I might have guessed…One of those faceless Brussels Bureaucrats, dedicated to the destruction of the world as we know it, stole that bloody hour from me!

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Asked in the pub yesterday afternoon would I be voting for the UK to remain in the EU, I replied, ‘Yes, voting yes, to stay.’

I went on to suggest, ‘Certainly our remaining within the EU makes a nonsense of the British concept of democracy, and places severe limitations on our ability as a nation to make decisions for ourselves. But leaving might totally mess up my future plans ( a selfish reason, I agree)…

‘I want to relocate to live in another EU state. Such a desire would be jeopardised by the UK’s exit from the Union.

‘Also, I’m no great lover of the “Little Englander” mentality. I am English. It pisses me off that when applying for a UK passport I have to fill in the space for “Nationality” as UK-er. In my opinion there’s no such thing. I’m English, and proud of it.

‘However, I also recognised that if you scrape the surface of any good Englishman, you’ll find a range of nationalities as forbearers. For myself in just six generations there are Swedes, Irish, Scots and a Russian…My first wife was South African, two of my children are Australian…and so it goes on and on. Some of my very best friends are Polish. I have a network of friends across Spain and Italy.

‘If the UK should exit the EU, I think the main reason will be because of immigration. It’s become the new F-word. Unrestricted immigration into the UK has caused huge problems with infrastructure, not enough hospitals, schools, doctors, teachers, housing, etc…But, ultimately, that is the fault of successive British Governments. They did not plan, they did not invest in these peoples future…

‘Like Mr Micawber they thought something would turn up. A rabbit would be pulled from a hat…

‘It’s not the fault of the immigrants. It’s the fault of short-sighted British parliamentarians. Every one of the three main political parties in Britain should hang their mediocre heads in shame…Because it is the crass mediocracy inherent in the governance of this country over the past three decades that’s been the main problem!

Perhaps, boys and girls, we do really need the EU to save us from ourselves?

burial

Diary 17th March

What changes will we witness over the next fifty years in our burial rituals, d’you think? We have inhumation, obviously, and cremation currently. Will they remain our methods of choice in corpse ‘disposal’?

What about liquefaction?

The deceased is simply inserted into a purpose built “liquidiser” , zapped for a few seconds and turned to a sort of smoothie…which can then be poured down the drain or over the flowerbeds or whatever.

Instant plant food is a great idea…
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In the West Country the powers-that-be recognise we have a growing problem with people “sleeping rough” on the streets of towns and cities; these bods are also known as “Homeless People”. They are life’s unfortunates, and there but for the grace of God go you and I.

In Exeter the local authority has decided action must be taken. They applied for an order to enable the police to confiscate the few belongings these unfortunates might possess. This would only happen after the police had asked them to move on, and they remained in the same place.

In the first instance the Police would direct these individuals to “shelters” (most of which will be full) where they will be told they have to “prove” their “homelessness” to Social Services to receive help. This process takes feckin’ weeks.

So what do they do?

Either return to their ‘patch’ and risk the confiscation of their few meager belongings, or piss off to another town. Which is called ‘pass the problem’.

All very feckin’ humane…

Homeless people have strongly criticised these new police powers which would see a crackdown on begging and rough sleeping in the city centre. Suprising that, eh?

Reverend Tom Honey said: “Simply, people with serious issues that need to be addressed are being driven out of the city centre towards parks and churchyards on its outskirts. I feel Exeter City Council’s agenda is to make the city centre as friendly as possible to visiting tourists – essentially sanitising the area.”

“We don’t do it for fun,” said ex-squaddie Richy, 46, who said he has been forced to live on the street. “Instead of moving us on to be somebody else’s problem, they should use common sense and help us.”

He arrived in Exeter from Weymouth four weeks ago, and said even he could not believe the number of homeless people there are in the city. But he still believes it is “dangerous” to move homeless people away from the cover of the city centre “especially at this time of year”.

“I’m not too old myself, but some old homeless men you see really struggle in the cold weather,” he said.

Perhaps it’s time Exeter City Council funded a ‘focus group’ to fly out to Brazil and see how they rid themselves of their undesirables…?

Over 3,000 people, down-and-outs, were murdered in Recife, Brazil in the past year. Incredibly many of those doing the killing are police officers. Eduardo Machado, one of the organisers behind this cleansing operation, had this to say on the subject:

“It’s a perverse kind of killing. I call it social cleansing because the people being killed are normally black, they’re poor and they’re from the slums that surround the city. They have become what I call ‘the killables’.”

Exeter City Council could learn a lesson from this?

What, one wonders, were the Labour-led City Council thinking 18 months ago when they started their draconian crackdown on the homeless? The council has confiscated the tents, rucksacks and other belongings of nearly 60 homeless people.

Life in a plastic tent in the woods must be pretty harsh at this time of year.

But imagine the devastating impact if your tent, sleeping bag, warm clothing and food are removed, leaving you with nothing but the clothes you stand up in and a draughty shop doorway for a bed?

The council defends itself by saying that it offers advice to homeless people on finding accommodation (yeah, yeah, see above). Perhaps so: but clearly the advice, the accommodation – or both – are inadequate, or we wouldn’t be seeing all these people living on the streets.

So, is it now time for the City Council to ‘man-up’, ‘grow-a-pair’ and issue firearms to police and concerned citizens alike? Let’s face it, a bullet to the back of the head is much more efficient then waiting for these poor devils to quietly freeze to death in the open…And with summer fast approaching, there’s less likelihood of “these problem people” developing hypothermia and shuffling of this mortal coil.

The City Council could sponsor ‘Terminate a Vagrant Day’…There could be prizes and bounties…

Or on the other hand, they might like to look for more humane alternatives? (Yeah, yeah, that’s a big feckin’ “might”!)

Just before Christmas, the Government announced a £30million emergency aid package for Ethiopia, which is facing drought. Just a fraction of that amount would make a world of difference to our own destitute and homeless people…

But, perhaps, I’m being silly?

A little night reading..

February 25, 2016

readingtonight

Ah, not exactly a PC title, boys and girls, no, but you can purchase this book under the safer, later title of The Doll’s Bad News! From the cover:

“When a curvaceous, beautiful girl walks into your office, strips, and offers you a 6,000 retainer to help her out of the trouble she’s in, it’s hard to refuse. Especially if you’re private eye Dave Fenner, the man who busted the notorious Blandish case. But by the time Dave had been beaten half to death and been forced to shoot his way out of a load of unhealthy situations, he realised that chivalry – even if it was paid for a hard cash – was no way to stay alive.

Only one man could satisfy Glorie Leadler’s craving for love and affection. And though this golden-haired bit of feminine dynamite could have had a dozen men at her feet for the asking, it was a solitary Asian who made her heart beat fast. When jealous rivals tore that midnight love from Glorie’s arms, her over-heated emotions burst forth in a volcano of love-stricken vengeance that rocked Florida and left a mark on many men’s souls.”

So hardboiled the pan must have run dry. Even the cops keep out of Dave Fenner’s way. Very topical in many ways: people smuggling – the 12 Chinamen of the naughty title refers to the number of people who can fit in a boat from Cuba to the States; once in the United States the passengers (who are all chained together so they can easily be thrown overboard if the boat is intercepted by the US Coast Guard) are “sold” as slave labour to various concerns around the country.

Be warned: it is a product of its time, and misogyny and racism abound. It is also very, very violent!