No rest nor peace…

April 28, 2015


I said to myself, what I would say to someone else in such a case: “You will have to resign yourself to the fact, and above all, not distress yourself about a misfortune that you have not deserved.” I did my utmost not to cry not to complain –

But when one does not complain, and when one wants to master oneself with a tyrant’s grip – one’s faculties rise in revolt – and one pays for outward calm with an almost unbearable inner struggle.

Day and night I find neither rest nor peace – if I sleep I have tormenting dreams in which I see you always severe, always saturnine and angry with me –

Forgive me then Monsieur if I take the step of writing you again – How can I bear my life unless I make an effort to alleviate its suffering?

Charlotte Brontë
letter to Constantin Héger