Lose

April 30, 2020

Always remember, boys & girls, to lose means you’ve stopped fighting.

DWARF TABLE MANNERS

April 19, 2020

…do actually exist, despite what you may think, they’re just different.

Dwarfs spend a lot of time in the dark, being polite and quiet, eating moderately [because there’s a limit to what you can carry in a mine shaft] and not drinking. This is because a drunkard blundering around in a narrow dark space full of pit props does not make friends easily.

However, this way of life is not a natural way to behave and so, when they get together socially, dwarfs tend to let their beards down.

Humans aren’t often invited to share their lives, but you may be invited to a dwarf banquet. Do not wear your best clothes. Something lightweight is advisable, since the heat is usually intense.

Expect to be served meat on the bone, with no cutlery on other than a very sharp knife. The correct way to consume your food is to cram as much as possible into your mouth. That’s it, really. Meat bones are hurled away from you with force, and it is considered good manners, or at least very amusing, to hit another diner.

Do not look for a vegetarian option.

Beer is the only drink served at dwarf banquets. The correct method of drinking is the ‘quaff’, whereby the beer is propelled towards the mouth from horn or mug held some inches away. Do not worry if you miss, because it is bound to hit someone else, who will be grateful for it.

A proper banquet has only three courses:

1 The bread and meat
2 Carousing
3 Fighting

Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs
Nanny Ogg’s Cookbook

Strong women…

April 10, 2016

fight1fight2fight3fight4fight5fight6fight7