life seems long and painful

January 10, 2019

I feel like we, in fact, live more than once, in multitudes. Like every moment, every day, every week, every month, every year. It’s almost forever. I know life seems long and painful sometimes, and short and painful other times. It’s a collection of experiences that only you have and each experience accumulates and is constantly expanding, like the universe. So I encourage you to keep an open mind about the largeness of your life because I’m excited about it and I hope you are too.

Sufjan Stevens
Prospect Park July 18th, 2017

desired the sea

November 17, 2018

There were times when she desired the sea, like a child with all the innocence of first things, and then her body would be made of salt water and wishes and so many hopes that she would touch the sea and become one with it forever.

An Incontrovertible Truth

April 19, 2018

I want to fuck
the way we did when we believed
we were invincible
when we thought ourselves unbreakable
when we knew nothing of hearts shattering
or bones fracturing under the weight of unrealized dreams

I want to promise the impossible/again

I want to unlearn this hesitation
that colours my steps/measured
slow/trudge that I am now
I want the urge
to move erratic/irrational
fall helplessly in lust with someone
who was promised to someone else

I want to know that we were meant for each other

without proof I want to know
we were divined
by God or fate or fortune
I want my actions
to belie the fact of these brutal years
that have shuttered me
passions held taut beneath this loose gut

I want my body back

the one that could wrap itself careless
round the idea of forever/without fear
I want to leap off some idiotic ledge/I want to
hedge less
I want to erase these lines drawn definitive
round the edges of what I can do
i want to ignore the blotted lines running decisive
through the list of things I decided not to do

I want to do everything
you ask
ask you anything/without knowing
how you will answer

I want to shake this inertia

move you to tears/with the things
I am too afraid to say to you
late at night/early morning sex

I want to fuck like we did
when we were doing it/for love
foolhardy/with hardly any fear of the future

I want to believe in love/like I did
before I had a kid/before we knew how to stop
before these impermeable cracks
hammered steel beams through the fragile flesh of my heart

before my art started making money
before balancing my emotional budget became a thing
I needed to do
before our wings broke
before the yoke of collected experience
dragged us away from our best selves

I want to do more than just fuck

I want more days of feeling/foolish
and full/and flustered/and flushed

I want more
of myself/more of you
more of us
wanting more out of today
and tomorrow
and all the days
we aren’t even sure will ever come

Staceyann Chin


March 19, 2015


It is too late
for sleep – nothing escapes
the conscience of the
damned. Listen.
There is no reason
for pain – pain began
when life

I draw you in.
I wait.

One by one
the animals are
When they go
it is something I see:
there are no

The animals have slept
too long, have
too closely. They
creep away,
their wounds like
bridges from one past
over another.

The animals know
safety is a
fool’s heaven,
are for dying in.

My grey ones,
my broken ones,
stealth is no
virtue when it comes to
being lost.

I know you are
I know your bones are

it is too late for
anything –
I cannot provide for

I wait.
I wonder.

What secrets do you have
to surrender –
where do you go
that it is