9th July

Light mist this morning. It clings to the eaves of neighbouring houses. Fingers of mist reach over the moor, lying heavy in the many dips and depressions, and along the curving route of the river. A close, muggy night –

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In her eyes is the colour of the sea – but also its storms when she becomes emotional. Sweet Carnella, with her vampire kisses and razor-sharp fingernails. She is always so damn randy. Once she said she wished she could find a surgeon who’d remove a couple of her ribs – so she could eat her own pussy out!

She’d been drinking at the time. So perhaps it was a joke? Her’s was and is still a wicked sense of humour, like the time she left a large bar of milk chocolate on Ruth’s V-area.

That night Ruth was staying round Carnella’s following a party. She fell asleep, half-undressed on her bed, and Carnella slightly intoxicated placed the bar of chocolate inside Ruth’s knickers. Overnight it melted, of course. Come morning poor Ruth had chocolate pubes and pussy lips…She wasn’t amused, I recall –

Misogynist joke for Christmas

December 16, 2014

Bed

Question: Why are men smarter during sex?

Answer: Because during sex they’re plugged into a fuckin’ know-it-all!

Small joke!

October 7, 2010

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counseling after 25 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to Bob and said, ‘This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?’

Bob thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf…

Old age

March 10, 2010

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.

The doctor, whose fairly religious, says, ‘George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally. Are you at peace with God?’

George replies, ‘God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the Bathroom, POOF!, the light goes on. When I’m done, POOF!, the light goes off.’

‘Wow, that’s incredible,’ the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife.

‘Ethel,’ he says, ‘George is fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and POOF!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, POOF! The light goes off?’

‘OH MY GOD!’ Ethel exclaims:

‘He’s pissing in the fridge again!!!!

A Scotsman walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says…

“Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache.”

The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, “If you weren’t such an idiot, you’d know that’s a sheep, NOT a cow.”

The guy replies, “If you weren’t such a presumptuous bitch, you’d realise I was talking to the sheep.”

A Little Light Relief…

February 2, 2010

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can’t even begin to imagine how their mind is working….

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything…tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an ‘A’ in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, ‘Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?’ Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. ‘Well, then,’ she replied, was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?’

Little Zachary looked at her and said, ‘Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.’