Masturbation

October 6, 2018

Masturbation will never break your heart.

The Mist

August 5, 2018

I should keep up with the news
but my wifi is out of control
so I am cutting it up
slicing it into quarters of my life.
Less and less of you
more and more of me.
I disrupt my life on purpose
and see through the mist.
Who can ever give you
all you want? Not one
person. I never met
that person so I find it
within myself and
marry myself. I’m
cheating on my husband
with myself. He knows it
too. I can touch myself
and cum in seconds. No
rendez-vous, no dates.
I can believe in myself
and not others’ version
of me. Even if I have twenty-four
hours to live
I can stare at a ceiling in silence
I have plenty of practice.
I will take my secrets to
the grave. No one
can love me the way
I want. So I will continue
talking to myself, write
poems to myself, letters
to myself, read, go to
bookstores, museums,
walk my dog, create a
new self, bury the old one.
I have so many selves
I gave up on, so many
I believed in. Luckily,
I love my own company
and loneliness and being alone
are not to be confused.
I know that writing
is my best company.
And I look forward to
the mist
and human touch
always
look forward to moments
and hours to be relived
in my mind.
I look forward to being
me in all my selves.

Christina Strigas

Banana Recipe

January 28, 2018

Take a banana
Peel it
Dice it
Put it aside

If you thought this
Was a recipe
It is
For a disaster

Take a banana
Peel it
Dice it
Put it inside

JoBe Arenas

#

The mythology of Hawaii tells of goddesses who were impregnated by bananas they had placed beneath their garments. B. Stern mentions (Medizin in der Türki, Bd. II, p. 24) that the women of Turkey and Egypt use the banana, as well as the cucumber, etc., for masturbation.

Havelock Ellis
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 1

every night

Although technically masturbation isn’t a thing. Like all sex, it’s an activity. And I do have me some fun at the activity centre!

I love masturbation! I love it in concept. I head-over-heels, swoontastically love it in practice. I’ve got it BAD for my hands, yo. And my toys. And a few specific household items.
I’ve been wanking for a long time. So long I don’t remember a time when I didn’t masturbate. So when I tell you that masturbation is made of awesome, I’m speaking from lots of experience. Don’t believe me? Just consider the following benefits:

1. No one ever masturbates and thinks ‘Dang! That was the worst part of my day!‘

2. It’s 4:00 p.m. You’ve just come home from work. The kids will be home from soccer at any minute, you still have to make dinner and you’re horny as hell. Ping! Try masturbation – for a quick and healthy fix.

3. Masturbation is the thrill of exploration in the comfort of your own home.

4. Masturbation releases endorphins, which relax the muscles. Try it as part of your post-workout routine.

5. Masturbation releases endorphins, which provide pain relief. Try it the next time you have a headache.

6. Yearning for frisky times with someone who isn’t your long-term, monogamous partner? Don’t want to negotiate an open relationship? Infidelity not your style? Fondle your sexy parts and enjoy a hot, fantasy tryst, courtesy of masturbation!

7. How hard is it to convince you to have sex with you?

8. Granting your partner’s request to watch you masturbate triples your chances of getting applause.

9. It’s 1:00 a.m. You’re still tossing and turning and you’ve got that big presentation in the morning. Try masturbation: a safe, natural sedative!

10. Masturbating can reduce the risk of cervical infection and prostate cancer. Three cheers for healthy nethers!

11. Some flexible folk can masturbate orally! Even if you’re not one of the lucky few who can get your tongue to your promise land, you can see videos of it online. Trust me – that shit’s pretty cool.

In conclusion, masturbation rules. So when this work-a-day world has gotcha down, get a hold of yourself – literally and take a few moments for some self-stimulation!

Nadine Thornhill
Adorable Undies

a surprising paradox

November 5, 2017

Bride

Although most boys figure out how to bring themselves to orgasm by age thirteen, half of girls don’t have their first orgasms until their late teens, twenties, or beyond. Teenage girls widely agree that they get the message loud and clear that masturbation is something boys do, but girls don’t, can’t, or shouldn’t. The cultural focus on intercourse tells young women to expect they’ll begin to experience sexual pleasure once they have sex with a man (whether or not they’re even interested in sex with men). Nearly all teen boys, on the other hand, experience sexual pleasure long before they get their hands – or other body parts – into a partner’s pants. Despite the massive advances in women’s equality, young women’s sexuality is stuck in a surprising paradox. Young women are sold provocative clothes but aren’t taught where to find their own clitoris. Many girls give their boyfriends oral sex, but are too uncomfortable with their own bodies to allow the guys to return the favour. It’s still a radical act to say that women need and deserve access to information about their own sexual pleasure – not just about the risks and negative consequences of sex.

Dorian Solot
I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide

Virginity

October 22, 2017

I’d like to think that I took my own virginity
One tired night in my closet with my vibrating toothbrush
I told Marques that he was my first
Along with Caleb
and Alex
and Francisco
and Ashlyn
Even when I was 13 and I discovered the wonder that was (and is)
my vagina, I figured that my virginity should be mine.
My vagina is special to me.
It grants me the delicious explosion if I talk to it just right
I fall in love with myself a little more each time I caress it.
The bond that I have with my vagina will never be broken.
My virginity is in fact
mine

Olive Waverly

There’s a strong urgency in masturbation.
The longing for there to be another human body
pressed up against your own, so much so you envision
it vividly in your mind, painting hundreds of
thousands of scenarios until you find one just right
for your hand,

for your body.

It’s not about pleasure, but about that momentary loss of place and time,
a further commitment to your imagination but
to your loneliness as well.

Tatiana Arredondo

Masturbation

October 14, 2017

There is an image
Working to free my mind
From violent dawns
It probes at the backs of my eyes
It tells me I am prostituting myself
Here in my bedroom
In incestuous union with myself
I hallucinate and fantasise about
Doctors sons, butchers boys
Teenage thieves, deserters
Drug pushers, scandalous rent boys
Vagrants, pimps, prostitutes
And silk lingerie and don’t care.
I sit destitute of thought
An insane dissonance of macabre music
Playing out melodies of an image in my mind

Edgar Whitman Wilde

preventative masturbation

August 5, 2017

“Along with heavy drinking, I do preventative masturbation four or five times a day so that I can go out in public.”

This all sounded oddly familiar. Then I reassured myself: I might have shared some of his symptoms, but that can be said for most psychiatric illnesses.

“Why do you think this has happened to you?” I asked. “Maybe you should see Oliver Sacks. It could be neurological. Like the man who thought his wife was a cocktail waitress.”

“I don’t get any sex. That’s my problem. I’m thirty-one; I haven’t had sex in nine years.”

What could I say to comfort him? Nine years was a terribly long time. One hardly goes nine years without doing most things, except maybe trips to the Far East…

Jonathan Ames
Wake Up Sir