December 4, 2016
May 21, 2016
February 8, 2016
It takes more than a five-second lip-lock to get you in the mood for sex with him. Same holds true for a DIY session. To light your libido, create an atmosphere for arousal: a haven sans distractions where you can say to hell with inhibition. Lock the door so no one bursts in. Disconnect your phone(s). Add ambience with candles and slow jams. Next, tune in to your head space. “If you’re watching CNN and trying to masturbate, it’s going to take a while,” says Rachel Venning, cofounder of the sex boutique Toys in Babeland and coauthor of Sex Toys 101. “In order to reach your peak, you need to relax and focus.” If it takes a glass of wine to block out your boss (buzz kill!) and transition from work to play, cheers. Once you feel mentally uncluttered, fill your mind with sexy thoughts. Picturing Johnny Depp in a loincloth might help. Or do as Liz,* 28, does. “I have a videotape of Top Gun that I keep set to the volleyball scene,” she says. “All that action makes me want to get some.”
*Names have been changed.
One of the most private places to awaken your senses is in the tub. To get started, draw a bubble bath. “As you soak in the warm water, your muscle tension will melt,” says Schwartz. “You’ll be more responsive to touch when you’re relaxed.” Increase the release by massaging your inner thighs and running your hands up your tummy and over your breasts. Now circle your nipples with a sudsy fingertip, then gently tug on them. “If this is an erogenous zone for you, it may trigger tingles down below,” adds Schwartz. Now zero in on your hot spots by getting even more hands-on. “Our fingers are ideal tools for learning what type of pressure, speed, and stroke work the best,” says Sadie Allison, sex educator and author of Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure. Let your digits wander south, tracing the sensitive folds of your inner labia. Get playful and draw the alphabet with your pinkie. Or try lightly tapping your clitoris with one finger, speeding up as you become aroused. All the while, note areas and touches that provide the most satisfaction. Bottom line: You’re the master of your own domain. It takes trial and error to figure out what makes you tick. Experiment and you’ll be surprised by the sexy sensations you can provoke. Take it from Sara, 23, who stumbled upon her own tub turn-on (and incidentally hasn’t taken a shower since): “As the tub was filling up, I moved closer to the faucet to adjust the temperature,” she explains. “The running water splashed on my clitoris and immediately felt good. So I wrapped my feet around the faucet and let the water flow over me. The excitement kept building.”
Now to hit your high note, you’ll need to intensify the manual manipulation. “There’s no one method that works for everyone,” explains Allison, “but certain stroking styles are tried and true.” Like a move she calls The Figure Eight. Use one or more fingers to glide up, over and around your clitoral area, tracing the number eight. You’ll cover the clitoris and the inner labia — a lusty locale that has nerve endings within its walls, which some women find even more arousing than the clitoris. Another favourite is The Compass. Hold two fingers out straight, side by side, and run them north to south and east to west over the width and length of your entire pleasure zone. A more advanced method is The Three-Fingers Thrill. Use your index and ring fingers to hold open your labia. This frees up your middle finger to stroke the tip of your clitoris. Ultimately, you’ll know what strikes a chord when a warm, flush feeling starts to set in. “Try not to be super goal-oriented, like, ‘I have to have an orgasm in less than 15 minutes,’ ” says Venning. Just ride the wave of pleasure as your nether regions become more sensitive, your heart rate zooms, your breathing intensifies, and the walls of your vagina begin to contract — all telltale signs you’re bound for bliss.
Missy Elliott is on to something: Toys can be titillating. “Vibrators provide one of the strongest and most consistent forms of stimulation,” says Judy Kuriansky, PhD, sex therapist and author of Generation Sex. Introduce the buzz factor once you’ve prepped yourself for pleasure, and it could make an orgasm a sure thing. But you have to know how to summon the sensations. Begin by working the vibrator over your clitoris, using the same techniques as described previously. (You may want to keep your panties on at first as a buffer; the buzz can be intense.) Then tease yourself by alternating speeds as your desire builds. Just remember to switch up your routine. “Vibrators are great training wheels, especially for the gal who thinks she’ll never get there,” says Kuriansky. A word of caution though: Too much humming can potentially cause your nerve endings to become somewhat desensitized. Pace your usage of this joy stick and let your fingers do the work on the off days. Now that you know what makes your body tick, it’s time to share your stimulating secrets with someone you love…or at least lust for.
Sometimes those Os come from surprising sources. “I was in the hotel’s hot tub when I flipped around to order a drink and inadvertently discovered perfect jet placement. Before I could say piña colada, the water pressure had sent me over the edge.”
“In the car, I keep my cell between my legs. One drive home, I was pissed at my guy so I refused to answer his calls. I guess he was worried — he was pretty persistent. Luckily, the phone was on vibrate.”
“I bought my jeans a size too small because they stretch, but I should’ve broken them in before class. Halfway through a lecture, my pants were practically molesting me. I had to excuse myself.”
“My waxer moves my panties around as she works. One time, she pulled them up out of the way so she could get to the sides. The friction made me forget that Brazilians are supposed to be painful.”
Guide to solo sex
December 20, 2015
December 9, 2015
November 27, 2015
I read somewhere recently that at the moment of orgasm, certain areas of your brain, primarily the ones that control emotion, shut down; the area processing fear is deactivated and your ’vigilance for danger’ switch ceases to exist for the duration of said climax. I had this in mind yesterday afternoon, with 9 inches of a very expensive latex cock between my legs, when I took it upon myself to test this theory. It only occurred to me in the last five minutes that I had experienced any rational cerebration at all; my inhibitions had been incinerated; my ability to register dignity as a crucial emotion worth moral preservation, when taking into consideration the window cleaner who had adjudicated that particular moment in time a good one to absterge mine of sin, lay in small fragments of shame upon my bedroom floor, discarded and beaten to within an inch of their poor, metaphoric lives. I, of course, had been on the cusp of carnal bliss, writhing shamelessly about the bed in a state of which any woman can empathize, and quite aware of the intrusion but absolutely unable to do anything about it. I came to the oblique vision of a mortified young man in sodden overalls, and I can safely say that I didn’t give two fucks and a communist bohemian about it.
October 12, 2015
September 20, 2015
We met them, the Tees, at a local BDSM munch about two years ago. The wife, Kay, described herself as “Hetroflexible” and has “played” with submission for years. She’s 100% submissive, a masochist, voyeur (loves watching hubby in bondage), exhibitionist (likes an audience when she’s being used) and slut-slave.
Her hubby, James, entered the BDSM scene in his early twenties. He was invited with his girlfriend of the day to a “party” while in Las Salinas Beach, Ibiza. The party turned out to be a full-on fetish orgy and James thought he’d died and gone to heaven. He took to the scene like a clit to a vibrator.
Jimmy has a passion for rope play, he’s a good-looking switch, by nature dominant, a bondage giver, but happy to submit and have his backside spanked to a glowing red by the right person.
Both Kay and Jimmy describe themselves as “being in tune with nature”; she’s into crystals and healing, and James loves yoga and meditation. They both like walking, the great outdoors, reading, photography, astrology, music, gardening and spirituality.
We’ve enacted scenes with them on four of five occasions. Kay, submissive, is restrained and “chastised” by Dee and by me while Jimmy watches. Then he in turn plays the Sub to Dee’s Dom. As with very many BDSM get-togethers there is no sexual intercourse. There is, of course, aftercare: comforting and reassuring; the Sub’s been placed in a very vulnerable physical and emotional state, after all said and done, and needs some degree of aftercare in order to properly process and come down from the event. In fact bondage without aftercare is abuse, pure and simple, in my opinion.
Anyway. Yesterday, Saturday, the Tees arrived in the afternoon, and were duly greeted at the front door by Dee and Gabriela. Cheeks were kissed, embraces exchanged, before the girls led them inside.
In the sitting room, I waited en femme as Navina, sex goddess extraordinaire, at times mildly submissive and into light bondage, but much happier in “domme mode”, twisting men around her/my little finger, teasing and denying their hard bodies. Making them beg.
Kay’s mouth dropped open at sight of me, Navina. ‘That’s incredible…’ she said. Shaking her head, she shrugged. ‘I’d never have recognised you. You’re beautiful!’
Jimmy was speechless. His eyes were eating me up. Drinks were offered and accepted. We exchanged small talk. Finally Dee said, ‘Would you like to see upstairs,’ to Kay, who nodded and stood up beside Gabby.
Soon Jimmy and I would be alone. Upstairs, I knew, it was Dee and Gabby’s plan to give Kay an extended and intense spanking/caning, taking her close – very close – to the edge of her limits, and from that wonderful, swimmy-headed place begin lovemaking with her.
After their departure I fixed Jimmy another drink. He kept looking at my high heels and stockings. I sat down in my black dress, letting the hem ride up and give him a quick flash of thigh and white lace. He is obviously fascinated by Navina, enamored and infatuated to the point of awkwardness.
‘I’m in to cling film,’ I said softly. ‘Clothespins, handcuffs, cockplay and mutual masturbation. What about you? Would you like me to bruise you a little? ’
From upstairs, a shrill cry: the sound of a strap impacting on rounded flesh. My girls are wasting no time. Jimmy’s petite, submissive lady has embarked on her delicious pleasure journey.
‘Have you ever fucked a Goddess?’ I asked him, without waiting for his reply to my previous questions. The ice rattled in my glass as I crossed my legs. His eyes went to my stocking tops. ‘It happens, you know. It’s quite common in fact. In hypnagogic and dream magic. You actually get to fuck deities – happens all the time in tantric visualisation meditation. It’s actively sort in Chaos Magick…’
‘I’ve heard of sexual encounters with deities in dreams or in astral travel. But they don’t have a physical component,’ he said, hesitantly.
More cries of pain from upstairs. The sounds of flogging, merciless. Distracting.
I licked my lips. ‘D’you like my lipstick?’ I asked. ‘It’s lipstick queen, and the colour’s called “bare nude.” I got it specially for today.’
‘A physical component is important in sex with a God or Goddess, but not essential,’ I said quickly. ‘Even alone, you can hold the image of the God or Goddess in your head, masturbate in offering to them, experience intense pleasure in their name. With time and practice – or immediately if you are really one of the lucky ones – you feel that someone else, the God / Goddess is stimulating your body…’
Kay’s shrill voice begging for mercy upstairs. The sound of flogging continued. But more intense, now.
Jimmy’s cheeks were flushed scarlet. His glance went from my crossed legs to the ceiling then back again. I sipped my drink.
‘The coolest thing about sex with spirit beings is it’s not limited by the constraints of physicality. It is possible to experience interpenetration and prolonged ecstasy with all parts of your body/mind/spirit…In all sex magick it’s the energy between those involved that makes the difference. With the right chemistry, you can move mountains!’
‘I see,’ he said. He put his empty glass on the coffee table, distracted.
‘Would you like another?’
I crossed the room to fix fresh drinks, the thrust of my hips provocative. I knew his eyes would be on my tight backside.
‘Do you like pussy worship?’ I asked over my shoulder.
‘Would you like to worship my pussy?’
‘You are beautiful,’ he said quickly. ‘Kay was right. It’s an incredible transformation. You look like a Goddess…’
‘A Goddess?’ I handed him his drink. ‘You should make an offering to me then.’
‘What would you like?’
Upstairs the flogging had finally finished. The sounds we heard now were sexual in nature. Gabriela’s big O approaching. The headboard rattling against the bedroom wall.
‘Masturbate for me, Jimmy,’ I said softly. I sat beside him on the sofa. I wriggled my skirt up to my hips. ‘You like my legs?’ Apparently he did; he unzipped his fly. ‘Grip it really tightly for me and rub it fast. That’s it. Hard and fast. Think about Kay upstairs. Can you hear them. Dee and Gabby are going to take turns fisting her. Her pretty little couch will gape like a railway tunnel when they give her back to you…’
I took his free hand and rubbed it up the inside of my thigh then round to the strap of my suspender.
That seemed to do the trick. His body spasmed violently. His breathing caught abruptly in his throat. Outside it had started to rain; it rattled suddenly against the glass of the patio doors. Kay cried out in pleasure upstairs – I suspected Dee would be licking all round the hand she’d shoved inside Kay’s dripping sex just about now. There was a magpie bobbing about on the lawn again…
‘You needed that, Jimmy, didn’t you?’ I said, my attention returning to his stubby dick and the mess in his lap and down my left leg. ‘I’ll get some kitchen roll and you can have a cleanup. Another drink would probably be a good idea, too…’
So my Saturday rolled ever onwards. The rain became more intense, puddling the patio and weighing down the sagging heads of the hydrangeas at the bottom of the garden. The three girls remained upstairs for a further hour of finger fucking and licking. Jimmy sat quietly with his drink, while I roasted a tray of vegetables, courgettes, peppers, tomatoes and what-have-you then we all sat down together to eat. The three women had glowing, bright red faces when they came downstairs.
‘Enjoy yourselves?’ I asked.
‘Wonderful,’ Kay said. ‘Have to do that again.’ She looked at her hubby on the otherside of the table. ‘What about you, Jimmy?’
He smiled broadly. I came all over the leg of a Goddess,’ he said. ‘It was bloody fantastic…’
August 30, 2015
May 7, 2015
I laughed so much when I heard about this, boy & girls. So feckin’ embarrassing.
Dee’s friends, the Alexanders, a well-to-do couple in the East Midlands, him an accountant and her a data analyst, dabble in the BDSM scene. They’ve done so for many years. The pair switch, alternating “top” and “bottom”, between themselves.
Anyway, he came up with this idea of daily dares and tasks. They were to be set by whichever one of them was “top”, and completed by the unfortunate “bottom”.
So. Task one. For her. At work, 9.45 am precisely, insert two fingers into her pussy while sitting at her desk. Work them slowly in and out for five, long minutes (remember she shares this office with three other women). Time up, she’s to wipe those wet fingers behind her ears before returning them to her sex once more. Get them nice and wet down there. Rub that wetness on her swan-like neck, spreading the musky secretion evenly over her throat, like an expensive scent.
This procedure was to be repeated every hour on the hour. Lunchtime she was to text hubby and tell him what it was like to smell “herself” like that. Could others smell her pussy when they came near? Did the other girls suspect she was fingering herself under the desk?
Mrs A did exactly as instructed. She took great care not to get caught, but around the third time fingering herself this way – that would have been at eleven forty-five am – she was feeling very turned on. Those five minutes of fingering her V-area got her really close to the point of no return.
Then one of the other girls looked over, started talking to her. Mrs A ceased her fingering. Relaxed a tad. Responded casually to the other’s questions. Once the girl’s attention returned to her PC screen, Mrs A raised her fingers and dabbed behind her ears. Cautiously, she slipped them back inside the open waistband of her skirt. She was soaking and her juices were beginning to run, which was a problem without tights or knickers. She quickly smeared her fingers below her jawline.
The door to the office opened and the girls manager came in. ‘What’s that smell?’ she asked, making a face. ‘Has someone been eating tuna in here…?’
Then the girl who’d recently addressed Mrs A glanced over at her. ‘Oh, my God,’ she said. ‘You’re bleeding. All round your neck…’
‘Am I?’ Shock, horror. She grabs a mirror from her make-up bag, noticing in the process her bloodstained fingers. ‘I’ve got it on my fingers, too…Must have scratched myself.’
Frantic wiping with tissues and clandestine rebuttoning of skirt. Then off to the ladies to repair the damage and insert a much needed tampon. Her period was nearly a week early, but she’s pretty certain she pulled off her subterfuge…
Laugh, I nearly shate. She’s such a pretentious, stuck-up individual. Looks down her nose at everyone. I’d have loved to see her like that, feckin’ Ace!
Oh, just maybe there is a God…!