Warning

July 6, 2019

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

Very good advice –

December 4, 2018

WARNING

May 26, 2018

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along public railings
And make up for the snobbery of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends for dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

a vampire’s castle

November 13, 2017

1. Don’t go anywhere near a vampire’s castle, no matter how bad the weather.
2. Having gone near the castle, don’t knock at the huge forbidding door.
3. Having knocked at the huge forbidding door, don’t accept the invitation from the strange man in black clothes to go inside.
4. Having gone inside, don’t go into the guest bedroom.
5. Having gone into the guest bedroom, don’t – whatever you do – sleep with the window open.
6. Having slept with the window open, don’t come running to me to complain.

Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs
Nanny Ogg’s Cookbook

tight-hole

Mortal beware…

June 13, 2016

night

’T is the Midnight Hour!
The Moon hangs white!
Mortal beware,
’T is Fairy Night!
From Elfin Mound,
And Fairy Hill,
Comes music sweet,
And laughter shrill!
Mortal beware,
For Fairy-Spell
Lies on meadow,
Wood and dell!

Frances Jenkins Olcott
The Book of Elves and Fairies

syph

warning

Man in your life upset you? Been thoughtless, has he? Leave him a little warning…

He’ll get the hint, for sure!

Warning….

March 18, 2015

SMOKING